you have no idea
its so hard to have so much time to think... because when you have time to think, you can never sleep because your mind is always going.. nonstop.

i feel like this almost every single day. im actually miserable, which is really hard and almost pathetic for me to say, but i am. i hate being here, away from most everything that means something to me. i almost feel like i cant breath when im here. i cant open myself up to anyone here. i just dont feel right or comfortable. i dont think i can take it much longer, i really dont.

i hate feeling sorry for myself because i am here, but i cant help it. when i come back, i dont even care to leave my room. i cant tell if im just being dumb or i am just not suppose to be here. its weird because when im in class, im ok and happy, but when i am not, but still here, i get depressed and dont know what to do.

and i hate feeling this way because i feel so fucking selfish. millions of people have so many problems in their lives, and the only single thing i can think of is that i am here, and not there. i wish i could change how i feel...

this is so hard.